Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
