just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
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went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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