K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Found the puke drawer
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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