I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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