there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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