You just made me feel so damn special
barbara walters just said penis...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
