They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
