Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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