My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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