New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
