Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize