I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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