is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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