The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
