hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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