I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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