New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
