He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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