btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
