Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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