And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
