but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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