Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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