After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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