I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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