I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
