My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
