can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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