Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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