You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.