put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.