If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
