There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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