i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.