Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
