I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
