At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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