I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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