wrigley field is MILF paradise
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
