i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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