Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
