What did we do last night that was yellow?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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