Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
