Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
