sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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