There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing