i just had sex bonerless
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
