a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
