blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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