so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
