It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
