Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize