Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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