why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
