i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
