First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
