Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
