First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
