Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
