Kiss
Puke
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
