tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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