i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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