it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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