so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
