I murdered the dance floor call the cops
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
