Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
