i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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