just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
