I wanna bring you to show and tell
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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