i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
