She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
