Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
