I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
