You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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